Coming Out as Gay Later in Life – Therapy in Toronto
Psychotherapy for Men Exploring Sexual Orientation, Identity, and Belonging
About me.
I am a Toronto based Registered Psychotherapist, offering virtual and in-person psychotherapy for a wide range of folk, yet maintain an area of focus including men coming out as gay later in life or re-examining sexual orientation in midlife. I work with adults navigating identity shifts, long-standing patterns of self-concealment, relationship transitions, and the emotional and cultural complexity that can accompany late-life coming out.
Understanding that ‘coming out’ is a Western concept, I approach therapy with cultural humility. I recognise the intersection of race, identity, and sexual orientation, and aim to decolonise the coming out process by honouring each person’s unique context and lived experience.
My work is completely confidential, grounded, reflective, and relational. A space where clarity can emerge without pressure to rush decisions or perform certainty; a space where you can feel safe being yourself.
A Gay-Affirming and Lived/Informed Perspective
As a gay/queer-identified therapist who came out later in life, I bring both professional training and lived understanding to this work. Therapy is not about my story, but this perspective allows me to recognise the pressures that can shape late-life coming out, including internalised homophobia, grief, fear of family disruption, and the desire to feel whole.
My practice is explicitly queer and gay-affirming, trauma-informed, and grounded in respect for each client’s lived experience.
It takes courage to claim your identity, no matter your age… and that courage can transform the way you live with honesty, authenticity and intention.
Therapy for Men Coming Out Later in Life
Many men who come to therapy have spent years, sometimes decades, organizing their lives around safety, responsibility, or belonging, often at the expense of authenticity. When questions about sexual orientation surface later in life, they may arrive gradually or all at once, bringing relief, grief, fear, and longing.
Common questions include:
Why is this emerging now?
What do I do with relationships built on something incomplete?
How do I grieve lost time without becoming stuck in it?
What does honesty look like at this stage of my life?
Therapy offers a place to slow these questions down, understand them in context, and move forward with greater self-trust rather than urgency.
An Integrative, Nuanced, Responsive Approach to Psychotherapy
I practice integrative psychotherapy, drawing from multiple therapeutic traditions and adapting the work to each client’s history, needs, and pace.
Rather than relying on a single model, I work responsively, guided by what is most supportive in the moment.
Our work may include elements of:
relational and psychodynamic therapy
trauma-informed and attachment-based approaches
emotion-focused and experiential work
reflective and meaning-oriented inquiry
The emphasis is not on technique, but on relationship, where you are, integration, depth, and helping your life feel more internally coherent.
Issues I Commonly Work With
Clients often seek support with:
coming out as gay later in life
sexual orientation exploration and identity clarification
shame, secrecy, and internal conflict
anxiety, depression, and emotional overwhelm
relationship transitions, including mixed-orientation relationships
intimacy, desire, and connection
trauma and attachment-related patterns
midlife transitions and questions of meaning
You do not need to have everything figured out to begin.
“I work collaboratively, at a pace that respects your nervous system, your culture, your history, and the complexity of your life.”
Navigating Gay and Queer Culture Later in Life
Many men find themselves entering gay or queer spaces without a roadmap… encountering unspoken norms around age, desirability, masculinity, and belonging.
Coming out later in life often involves more than private self-acceptance.
For some, this period can also resemble a delayed developmental phase… a chance to explore identity, attraction, and self-expression that may have been postponed earlier in life.
This can bring curiosity, excitement, and aliveness, alongside vulnerability, self-consciousness, or grief for what was not previously possible.
Therapy offers a place to orient to this experience without judgment or haste; to understand how earlier constraints shaped development, to make sense of emerging desires, and to navigate queer culture in ways that feel grounded rather than overwhelming. The work is not about catching up, but about integrating new experiences into a coherent sense of self, at your own pace and on your own terms.
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Mostly. I work with adult men (18+) at any stage of their journey, whether coming out earlier or later in life, as well as with people from the 2SLGBTQIA+ community and trans individuals exploring their identity.
This is only one of my areas of focus.
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No. Many clients begin therapy while questioning or holding conflicting feelings. Therapy can be a place to explore without pressure to define yourself prematurely.
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Yes. Many clients come to therapy to explore belonging, visibility, ageism, and connection within gay or queer communities, especially when entering these spaces later in life.
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I use an integrative approach, drawing from relational, trauma-informed, emotion-focused, and reflective therapies. I am trained in a number of different modalities such as EMDR, Narrative Therapy, CBT, Somatic Based, etc. The work is adapted to your needs rather than confined to a single model.
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My rate for a 50 minute session is $175. Enquire about sliding scale rates as these can sometimes become available.
Consultations are 15 minutes and free.
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Please check with your benefits provider. Services may be covered by extended health plans that include Registered Psychotherapists (RP).
I do not direct bill providers at this time.